Duct Shui-Poor Man’s Alternative to Feng Shui with a Roll of Duct Tape

February 9, 2008 at 3:07 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment
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I would like to spend some time with you to introduce you to Duct Shui, an alternative philosophy to Fen Shui. Duct Shui is a poor man’s version of Fen Shui.  It does not entail the used of high priced consultants, investing in expensive coffee table books, and buying uncomfortable modern looking furniture that you cannot use when watching the ball game.  Duct Shui can be accomplished with a good ole roll of Duct Tape.

 But first, let us do some quick introduction to Fen Shui.

 Feng shui is an ancient Chinese practice believed to utilize the Laws of both Heaven, (astronomy), and Earth, (geography), to help one improve life by receiving positive Chi (loosely translated as positive energy). Feng Shui has become trendy in the world of real estate. Consultants are used to help homeowners use Feng Shui in their homes to create as much positive energy as possible.  Below are some of the basic concepts as they relate to real estate are: Avoid having a straight road leading directly to the home, with people coming and going it will dissipate the good influences. Avoid building at the junction of a T-street or at the end of a cul-de-sac because these locations are on the receiving end of the straight-flowing Sha (not good energy). A dead-end street traps the bad Sha. The front entrance should not face the upstairs stairway. The front door should not have a view of the back door. The through hallway is a no-no. Heavy beams in the recreational room are a burden and interfere with Chi. To have the right side low and the left side high are both unlucky. The hills to the left should be higher than those to the right. Houses or buildings on triangular plots of land are ill-omened as the strange shape attracts Sha. Water is very important and its positioning is vital to improving Chi and confounding Sha. 

In feng shui, wind chimes and bird feeders stimulate the flow of chi (energy) in a yard. In Duct Shui, attract birds by duct taping plastic decoys to a birdbath. In feng shui, placing a wind chime in the front area of a home or office will summon people to help you. Duct Shui teaches that if you really want help, get some duct tape stuck in your hair and then pull hard–the screams will draw plenty of attention.

In feng shui, a wind chime over the stove will cure binge eating. Duct Shui says enough with the wind chimes already!-you can cure binge eating by placing duct tape firmly across your mouth.

In Feng Shui, the positioning of your toilet back-to-back on a common wall with a bed is bad because the flushing sucks positive energy. To remedy this, put a mirror behind the headboard of the bed with the reflective side facing the wall. In Duct Shui, if your bed is on a common wall with your toilet, it means that you don’t have that far to walk to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. In fact, we suggest that if the common wall doesn’t have a door in it, you cut a hole for even easier access. Then frame the hole with duct tape and avoid the need for that costly finishing carpentry. And… If you don’t want the toilet sucking (which pretty much defeats its purpose), we suggest flushing a huge duct tape ball or two. This will certainly stop the effectiveness of the toilet’s drain.

Duct Shui was the brain child of two of the greatest tinkerers of all time: The Duct Tape Guys.

For more information on Duct Shui and the Duct Tape Guys click here.

  Do you have any thoughts on Feng Shui or Duct Shui?

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